Arranging First Meetings    Your partner can contribute to the ease of first meetings between the child and his or her new significant other by making sure that the child has some information about the new person before the meeting.   For example, "Alice has blond hair" would be appropriate for very young children.  Older children above five may want to know about the interests of the new person and what kind of work he or she does.   This may bring on many questions from the child which the biological parent can field by saying, "gee, I don't know.  That is something for you to ask him/her."  In this way, a bridge gets made between the child and the new person and a range of conversation is created. So, the child can begin to get involved with the person that is new in his/her life as created by the biological parent.   Whatever the age, children need to know that in the regular visit with the parent that they visit, and the beginning of a new relationship with that person's significant other, the visit won't change.  That is, what normally gets done in that visit will still get done.  However, "this time, Alice will join us".  That means that the steadiness of the contact and the fun is not at risk.  It is simply that the child can expect something added.   The child may reject meeting any new person to the relationship with the biological parent that he visits.  It doesn't mean that he is jealous of the new person or afraid.  A meeting held by force probably won't accomplish much.   If the meeting is under protest by the child, the biological parent may say, "maybe not today.  But sometime soon."   Thus, the stage is prepared and the subject can be re-raised.  A meeting in a neutral place when the child is ready with introductions and casual conversation may seem less threatening.   If the parent of the child makes the meeting his or her choice, the new person will seem less intrusive.   If the child demands to know why the meeting is necessary, the parent can explain, "I'd like all three of us to have a good time."   It is very important as the child is introduced to the new significant other, that the biological parent make it clear to the child, without going overboard physically, that the new person means something very special to the parent in question. A simple hug and kiss makes the statement and keeps the child from being surprised later that this new person means more to his parent than he had been led to believe.   When introducing a significant other to the child, make sure that the parent with whom the child lives is aware of the meeting. The less fighting between both biological parents there is about any new partners, the less difficulty with loyalties the child will  have when it comes to accepting new partners.   Many feelings arise when one partner finds a new mate. This depends on how the marriage ended and who was accused of what.  It is important to keep in mind that wherever the child lives, that parent may prejudice the child against any new partners the other parent may get together with. It is important for the biological parent who finds a new partner, to let that partner know any accusations that may be made.  This keeps the surprises down though it may not stop the unpleasantness.   The adoption of a new partner may mean that the non-custodial parent's visits with the child become threatened.  The new  parent may not be able to do anything right as far as the custodial parent is concerned.  A suspicious mother may feel that her role is being threatened with the child.    The new partner may do everything imagineable from keeping a low profile to trying to be a bridge for both biological parents.  Depending on the history of the divorce, this may or may not work.    What is required in these situations that may become very difficult, is a great deal of patience on the part of the stepparent or stepparent-to be and the memory that the welfare of the child must come first.  This can make step families very difficult places in which to live.  the way is eased if the biological parent remembers how difficult the job is for the stepparent and provides him or her with a great deal of emotional support while attending to the needs of his or her children.