Universal Truths

I have developed my Universal Truths over my 37 years of practice. See which ones you are using!

By: Susan Adams M.Ed.

1. The world is unfair but predictable.  Success means being aware of how things appear to others.
2. Even if you feel so unimportant you think you are invisible, others notice you.
3. People who don’t know when they do wrong, can’t learn to do anything right.
4. People who know when they do something wrong develop mastery.
5. The world will forgive you for screwing up but not for failing to notice.
6. It is not true that there is security in denial.
7. If you are not guilty of doing anything wrong and things are going very badly for you then it is not safe for you to be walking around alive.
8. It is foolish to prove your parents wrong by being different from them in ways that cause you to fail yourself.
9. If you are going to be offensive, do it on purpose.
10. Behavior is purposeful.  Think about the purpose behind what you see.
11. Don’t avoid telling others what you want for fear of offending them.
12. If you tell someone how you feel, make sure you follow it with what you want them to do about it.
13. Tell people what you want them to do, not how you want them to be.
14. Demonstrate good emotion.  Explain negative emotion.
15. Look at the function of what people do.  Behavior always solves a problem for someone.
16. Tell the truth.
17. Fight to find out what you are doing wrong rather than to prove you are right.
18. Speak to people’s intent rather than their behavior.
19. When a woman is going ballistic it is because she is being ignored or lied to.  When a man is going ballistic it is because he is afraid of looking bad.
20. Two people can’t go ballistic at the same time.
21. The unloved are mean.
22. Don’t have fights with people who have power over you.
23. Marital relationships are partnerships.  Most people don’t want a boss.
24. People who take life too seriously don’t grow.  People who don’t grow may die.
25. Don’t try to change a system from the bottom.
26. People who do hiring hire people like themselves.
27. Success is about being liked not about being competent.
28. People who feel unimportant do troublesome things.
29. People who feel important are fully aware of how their behavior affects others.  They follow the rules.
30. Men who think they need to feel heroic often have affairs.
31. When forming close personal relationships, don’t attempt to begin by asking the other person to do things they aren’t good at.
32. Debate is useful as long as no one has to win at it.
33. When parents are divided about a child, the child decides.  Children who decide too often conclude that they make the rules and may become sociopaths.
34. If you want to get to know your children, join them in their activities rather than asking them to join you in yours.
35. If you are a guy and you aren’t getting your message heard, it’s probably because your good intent is being missed.
36. If you are female and not getting your message heard it’s probably because you are scaring your listener.
37. If you want something in a relationship, give it.  Most people give what they GET, not what they WANT.
38. If you want others to seek you out, make them feel comfortable.  Do this by listening to them with respect and hearing their messages.
39. Others grow toward our perceptions of them.
40. If you are seen as critical or unpleasant , others will tune you out.
41. Behave based on what you want, not how you feel.
42. Clothe difficult truths in humor. They are more palatable.
43. Just because the answer is simple doesn’t mean it isn’t the answer.
44. If someone continues to pursue you about something you think you have answered, they haven’t heard your message.  Say it more clearly.
45. People who criticize, condemn, judge, or get easily offended get divorced or live in misery forever.
46. You can’t fail to notice the person you live with.
47. When words and behavior don’t match, watch behavior.
48. The unloved get together.
49. Just because someone has a different opinion from yours doesn’t mean they are wrong.
50. Helplessness is powerful
51. Pick your battles.
52. If you can’t get rid of the skeleton in the family closet, at least make it dance for you.  Make the best of bad situations.
53. It is useless to ask someone to change unless it is worthwhile for them to do so.  Appreciate small changes so that bigger ones can develop.
54. If something doesn’t work, try it again.  If it still doesn’t work, try something else.
55. It is impossible to be truly anxious about anyone but yourself.
56. Guilt is useful if it lasts for five minutes and leads to change.
57. A smile is the first step to being liked.
58. Others will forgive almost anything if your good intent shows.
59. People who are liked can do no wrong.
60. People who aren’t liked can’t do anything right.
61. When you comment on yourself, no one else has to.
62. People who lie, lie.
63. If you want to be sure to fail, try to please everyone.
64. If you want power shared with you, make friends with whoever has the power.
65. If you want to make friends with someone, help them to accomplish their goals.
66. The only difference between a rut and a grave, is the depth.
67. Change enough of the little pictures and you’ll find you’ve changed the big picture.
68. You can’t expect a rose to bloom when you are yelling at it.
69. Some of the greatest lies are often told in silence.
70. Make the high moments as unforgettable as possible.  Use the low moments to learn what to do differently.
71. Relationships are about how good you can make the other person feel.
72. Do what you know is right.  Do it the best you can.  Have fun at it.
73. Wait for calm moments to bring up difficult topics.
74. A changed thought system can reverse cause-and-effect as we know it.  For most of us, this is a very difficult concept to accept, because of our resistance to relinquishing the predictability of our past belief system and to assuming responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and reactions.
75. It isn’t enough to be sincere.  It matters what you believe.
76. If you don’t do something about your problems, your problems may do something to you.
77. Your character cannot be essentially injured except by your own behavior.
78. It anybody speaks badly of you, like so that no one believes what is said.
79. Do not create debt unless you know how you will repay it.
80. Live under your means.
81. Pity is more powerful than love.
82. If you want to be loved, be lovable.
83. Without oxen, the barn is clean but with oxen, there is harvest.
84. People who spend a lifetime fantasizing, never live.
85. Those who are winning don’t whine.
86. Assumption is the mother of all mishaps.
87. It isn’t what we know that gets us into trouble.  It’s what we know that isn’t so.
88. Living with a man and missing his good intent, is like walking through a rainforest blindfolded.
89. You must believe something before you can be something.
90. If you take the time to share good news you won’t have time to get offended.
91. If you want to like yourself, don’t do things that you must keep from others.